No Turning Back: Performing Again


It has been years since I’ve seriously gone out and gigged, and now I’ve got four dates coming up next month, starting December 3rd!   Meanwhile, an old acquaintance from a long time ago is reading my novel. He says it’s a page-turner. Once he gets to page 253, he’s gonna run out of words and become frustrated, because there’s at least eight more chapters that still need to be written. I miss working on my novel, and I’m still in a landing pattern around my new Montecito hideaway.

But I won’t be able to hide away for much longer. Butterflies are not free.  They’re in my stomach while I worry about upcoming performances. I set myself up for a bit of an overwhelm here, first because there were songs I wanted to learn, and also because I’ve had to rework and relearn my own songs, too.  It hasn’t come as smoothly and swiftly as I imagined. It’s been hard work. I’m really trying not to sturggle, but I think I’ve fallen into that old pattern a bit. Need some healing on that front. Being an artist comes with all these templates for survival, and I’m determined to build my survival from a new foundation, and forego any templates.  So far, I have no idea whether it’s working.

I’m asking myself now, “What am I, a writer or a musician?”… cause there doesn’t seem to be time to do both and make money, too. I was adding content to someone’s travel blog, but alas I have hit the wall on that, my ideas not compelling enough. I think maybe my heart wasn’t in it. Yes, and I’m still scared. Am I ever gonna get to the other side of this frightful process, and stop being the sole inhabitant of my own gloomy gulag? (reference from my favorite writers movie, Wonder Boys) Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I will want to feel the gratitude for all the beauty in my life. It may be just what I need to get through the next nine days…

…which is how long I have till my first gig.  I’m wanting to run away… to where?… There ain’t no place to run, or hide, or fall back upon… I’m feeling alone, but I know I’m not. (This is stream of unconsciousness writing, by the way.) The reason I’m even posting tonight is because I promised in the previous post that I’d get my gig schedule up, and I’m late.  So here it is:

Tysa’s Performance Schedule

Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving with family and friends and good food!
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: