Novel Writing: Worst Fears Coming to Light

This day I came to 500 pages

In almost every chapter so far, I’ve had a meltdown:

What am I doing?

I’m a fool

Not just a temporary fool

But for permanent—

A permanent fool

*

I revised my fifty-fifth chapter and— 

I’m lagging behind my better judgment

Shoulda ended this thing ten months ago

What am I going to do now?

Honestly, more scared of mediocrity than really, really bad 

After devoting time in counted years

Spreading like an oil spill upon the page

*

This is the story my characters are telling

If I got it right

Will they see the light at the end of the prolonged, dark tunnel?

And now it’s my responsibility to write the final pages?

Do I even have the right?

Kinda feelin’ low down

Maybe they should’ve picked someone else

What were they thinking?